I'm sorry. I still don't have a computer to update on. This is off my phone. But I'll try reaaaal soon. Quit leave liberty toe whorebombs waiting too long. But while you wait... my cat made a twitter, follow him ... @T0ddTheKittyCat . Meow. Follow me too, @c0urtn3y_kingme :)

k thanks sugarfuck. <3

Hello sluts. Its been awhile right?? Fuck over it & enjoy. More to come. Comment ;)

I start a fight because I need to feel something, and you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted.

Daddy always said, "If boys dont like you, they're gay."

The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

"I just sat down to tie my shoe!" - What people who don't have Twitter think we tweet

I wish McDonalds accepted awesome karate kicks as payment.

Now if you let me you won't regret me. Shit, if you let me, you won't forget me.

A girl came up to me and said I was kinda cute. Kinda? Well, thanks, you sort of fat bitch. .

Phases of love. 1) xoxo. 2) xxx. 3) ex

My car runs on gas, not friendship. So pay the fuck up.

"Do not consume alcohol while taking this medication" seems like a challenge to me.

*Closes eyes in shower*  Theres probably a killer right in front of my face *opens eyes to see nothings there*  I wasnt that scared anyways

Does ShamWow make panties?  Asking for a friend.

You're just a little bundle of bitch today, aren't you?

Some days , I can't stop thinking about you . Other days , I wonder why I waste my time .

I don't see how you can hate from outside of the tub, you can't even get in. hahaha LEGGO. yellow soap bar, yellow rubber ducky

Me: You hang up...Him: No, you hang up.. Me: click

'Twister kills fifteen in Kansas' ... this game has gone way too far

Does anyone else wake up in the middle of the night thirsty as hell, and water tastes like it came from God's personal river bank?

That awkward moment when you’re staring at nothing in particular, and then realize you’re staring right at someone.

Well............ wasn't my best, but I'd still appreciate feedback. byeeee Whores. <3

Hi you pretty little fuckers. Miss me? Thought so. Heres a not-so-fantastic-but-sorta-extravagant post. COMMENT ;)

Oh, you put a picture online with no make-up on? You are so brave!

Don't leave something good to see if you can find better, because once you realize you had the best, the best found better.

How girls actually think players liars and cheaters change is beyond me.

My next boyfriend will sit in an empty room with me, no music, no clothes, no conversation. That way when we breakup nothing will remind me of him.

I discovered the best way to untangle headphones is with scissors. I now have to buy new ones but you can't put a price on my sanity.

You are not a real man unless you have at least one woman angry with you for a reason you can't understand.

The best stress reliever in life is not giving a fuck. AND killing the people you hate, yea killing and not giving a fuck.

If you're disappointed in me, then you expected too much.

Let's smoke, then go lay on a blanket in the park and listen to oldies.

I'm disappointed in your lack of cognitive ability. That means you're fucking stupid and you annoy me.

Fuck games. Not about to put up with that pussy shit. If you like someone, be good to them.

I call bitches out for being bitches.

I'm reasonably certain I hate you, but maybe you should open your mouth again so I can confirm that.

Life is so much better since I stopped getting upset over people's ridiculousness and started laughing at it and making fun of them.

I didn't believe in love until I got a cat. now I'm like...wtf is this intense feeling.

I'm so over you, I hope you never come crawling back to me because I don't want to deal with you.

I miss you but I'm trying not to care. I love you but I'm trying not to show. I want you so bad but your not mine anymore..

If some one is talking too much ask them "Is my pant zipper down?" when they say no tell them "Then why is your mouth open"

I thought i gave up , but i’m always finding a reason to keep trying

If a guy has 5 apples in his left hand, and 5 oranges in his right hand? What does he have? No chance of stopping an uppercut.

Go ahead and push me away and then wonder why I’m not there when you change your mind.

"You took my daughters virginity!" "I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again"

Even when I'm in like my 40s and married with kids, I will still sit in bed, eat fruit loops, and watch Spongebob.

Maybe I'm scared, because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about, everything I want.

DOUCHEBAG: Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole… but has not yet reached the fucker or motherfucker levels.

The awkward feeling of trying to silent fart but all goes wrong and everyone hears it... so u start to beat box.

Dude, that camping trip was In tents. *slaps random deer*

Tr(eat) your girl right or another guy will.

Door: oh you're just coming home? Allow me to squeak the songs of my people. Floorboards: we shall provide a chorus.

Sleeping is nice. You forget about everything for a little while.

Apparently, Twilight is “so popular” because teenagers can relate to it. oh yeah, i remember that time when i was a vampire

1) Vodka is made from potatoes. 2) Potatoes are vegetables. 3) Vegetables are good for you. You're welcome.

Without bad experiences, you won't appreciate how much life shouldn't be taken for granted.

Girls spend too much time trying to look nice and not enough time trying to act nice.

I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt & post half naked pictures on facebook.

Substitute teacher: "Does your normal teacher let you do that?" Students: "...Yeah..."

You're only a slut if you give a fuck.

"Crazy Bitch" - Every guy, at some point in his life.

If you treat someone like you do your phone, they'll never leave you

I hate when you try to trap a spider, then it starts running at you and your whole life passes before your eyes.

Katniss rolls around in the dirt killing animals, doesn't shower everyday, and still has two men throwing themselves at her. ....I quit.

I admit, it wasnt one of my better ones... buuuut fucking appreciate it... you bundle of bitches. Well Comment & Rec. ;)

Seeeee yaaa slluuuuut, <3